Happy Wednesday!
I forgot to write up a New Music Tuesday yesterday because I, like all my fellow unemployed workers, was busy networking on LinkedIn, the website dedicated to “connecting the world’s professionals to make them more productive and successful.” It’s a space where you can upload your headshot and resume, and get endorsed in skills like “Microsoft Word” by long-lost high school classmates. If you want to become a LinkedIn superuser, you can purchase a $25/month premium account, which helps you “stand out and get in touch with hiring managers.” Sounds like a pay-to-work predatory mafia shakedown if you ask me.
I’m not very familiar with the politics of LinkedIn. The radio industry doesn’t have a significant presence on the platform, so I hadn’t previously committed myself to refining my profile or understanding how the site works. However, desperate times call for desperate measures, and now I am fully engaged in networking on the internet. For your benefit, dear subscriber, I have distilled my experiences into three rules for LinkedIn.
Rule #1 - Connect with Everyone
You don’t “friend” or “follow” people on LinkedIn, you connect with them. And after you connect with them, thank them via the messaging feature for connecting with you. You must do this to EVERYONE, regardless of professional relationship. Kid from your middle school gym class? CONNECT. College roommate’s cousin? CONNECT. Guy you occasionally saw in the kitchen at your old office? CONNECT. In the world of LinkedIn, the two of you might as well have founded a Fortune 500 company together.
Rule #2 - Interact with your Connections
There are no people on LinkedIn, only connections. People post bad opinions on Facebook. Connections post career advice and inspiration. Often these take the form of “copy-paste” stories about “a hiring manager who took a chance on a candidate without the proper qualifications” and “people who never gave up on their dreams and became an entrepreneur.” You, as a participant in the LinkedIn economy of connections, must respond positively.
Standard responses in the comments section fall within a wide range, from “so inspiring!!!” to full-blow e-mails that include greetings and valedictions. I prefer to use LinkedIn’s handy-dandy reactions.
You can Like, Celebrate, Love, Insightful, or Curious. Yes, two of those are adjectives and not verbs, which means LinkedIn did not screen for the “Grammar” skill during their UX Designer hiring process. My preferred reaction is the “Curious” one because it’s the only option that conveys a grain of skepticism, which is required to stay sane on the platform. Also, “hmm, makes you think!” is an appropriate response to 99% of professional interactions.
Our solecist UX Designer had to foresight and humor to create my favorite LinkedIn feature: canned responses. When a connection experiences a work anniversary, promotion, or other professional event, LinkedIn invites you to congratulate them. I leap upon these opportunities to flex my LinkedIn skills to the max, using every feature available: hashtags, graphics, and pre-written congratulations messages. Here’s an example from this year:
Allow me to walk you through how I leveraged the platform LinkedIn to execute a flawless professional interaction.
9:00am — LinkedIn notified me that my dear coworker Eric and I were experiencing a “CONNECTION Anniversary,” or as I’ve portmanteau-ed connectaversary. I clicked the “Send Kudos” option, where LinkedIn presented the hashtag #Kudos and some nifty graphics. I was never 100% sure what Eric’s job was, but it involved numbers, where the big ones were better than the small ones. With that in mind, I opted for the image of five people admiring a pair of rising arrows against an impressionist mountain landscape. This suggestion is that Eric is #MakingAnImpact by helping the numbers go big…and we admire him for that. LinkedIn also supplied the “I really appreciate you” canned message.
9:09am — the message was ready to send, with minimal effort on my part! LinkedIn supplied the graphic, hashtags, and message. This is networking in 2020.
9:10am — message sent.
9:11am, Eric had read and responded to my message.
This manner of interaction is more efficient than walking across the building, greeting other coworkers, and talking to Eric face-to-face. Remember, LinkedIn isn’t about people; it’s about connections and networking.
Rule #3 - Be a Cog in the PR Machine
Finally, we have reached the most important function of LinkedIn: Public Relations. On the surface, LinkedIn encourages you to interact with your connections, but ultimately you’ll discover you’re interfacing with corporate PR departments.
Scroll through your feed and you’ll notice the vast majority of posts are either 1) from companies or 2) connections speaking positively about companies. LinkedIn is the social media equivalent of the middle school kiss-ass who reminds the teacher they forgot to collect last-night’s homework, knowing that several classmates didn’t complete the assignment. You’ll find your connections “Celebrate”-react product launches and thanking corporations for allowing them to provide labor to drive their profits.
This is where LinkedIn stops being a fun exercise in networking and abusing their canned-response system (sorry, Eric). U.S. unemployment might have been as high as 16% in May. The situation is somewhat improving, but we could be facing an extended recession. Unemployed workers are growing restless with the current job market and employed workers are terrified of the axe ultimately falling on them. The result is website brimming with people desperate to prove their worth and/or company loyalty.
But LinkedIn doesn’t tell us these are people — they are connections. If you have enough connections, one might connect you with job opportunity or a person who can save you from the axe. This is what makes LinkedIn so exhausting; every interaction is a thinly-veiled transaction.
I don’t blame people for playing the LinkedIn game—this is our professional reality in 2020, and I’m guilty of everything listed above. I have had many meaningful interactions on the platform, and even developed a couple friendships, but these seem far and few between.
We’ll get through this together as people and workers. If you’re interested in connecting professionally and being on the receiving end of my canned-response tomfoolery click here, but I promise you I’m much more interesting on Twitter. Anyway, here’s New Music Tuesday.
Orion Sun - Mama’s Baby
Philadelphia singer Tiffany Majette’s 2020 album Hold Space for Me is a spacious and poetic collection of soothing modern R&B. Majette, whose stage name is Orion Sun, was recorded being wrestled to the ground by a Philadelphia police officer during a Black Lives Matter protest in Center City. The next day, she wrote and recorded a new single “Mama’s Baby”—a sparse track where Majette accompanies herself on piano.
experienced police brutality may 30th, 2020 while protesting in philadelphia. i was injured pretty bad but i remember not grasping the reality of the situation because i hear so many people confuse police brutality with police murder. example: george floyd. neither is acceptable. i was calming the river that flowed from my moms eyes 830 miles away over the phone. she was worried crazy and heart broken over what had happened to me. i saw then that what the police did wasn't right even when i made it out alive. its wrong to think of a violent encounter with the police and just be grateful i didnt die. police have failed to protect and serve me. they had no problem throwing a black women to the ground over what? nothing. on top of this, when i shared my story with some video to accompany it (thanks to my friend phil who didnt even know it was me until he saw it) only then did it mobilize close friends of mine to break their silence and stand in solidarity with me. it hurt because i was just slammed to the ground a couple times and got my arm twisted, etc. the people i was/am fighting for were murdered. why are people numb to the death of my people.
i was processing a lot and this song sort of bled out of me. i was having trouble eating and as soon as i got home from the protest i threw up in a mixing bowl zubeyda grabbed out of the kitchen because i was too hurt to move. i've been in pain physically and emotionally but upon completing this song a wave of peace came over me. it was the first time my anxiety subsided in a long while and i thought if this did that for me then it might for other people. i want to share this song with you today in hopes that you can find some peace during this time. even when people can look at the world burning and feel nothing because the fire hasn't touched their skin, there are people feeling deeply and fighting in their own important way for the change that is inevitable. keep your head up and breathe and know that evil will never prevail long enough to be forever.
with that being said we must keep going!
with the purchase of this song 100% of the money will be going to Breonna Taylor's gofundme page.
The song is available for purchase on Bandcamp.
Brother Toaster - 12:58
Boston slacker Sean Galbraith delivers a 12-song mix of funny and bored garage jams on the latest album from Brother Toaster. The seven-minute “Bathrobe” is about smoking weed in a bathrobe, and that lyrical concept is pretty much the basis for the entire record. My favorite tracks are “All the Time in the World” and “Dog Treats.”
I know it's not good for me
But I just can't stop eating treats
Dog treats Dog treats Dog treats Dog treats
Pairs Well With: bathrobes, weed, being lazy
Jelani Aryeh - Stella Brown
This single isn’t exactly new, but it deserves a place on your playlists, ideally before or after Brother Toaster. Jelani Aryeh combines R&B and indie alternative styles into a hooky lovers’ bop. The “At Home” music video is a heartwarming collection of fans letting loose and dancing around their homes—a welcome injective of positive energy. Aryeh is bound for success, so hop on board now.
Pairs Well With: sitting by pool and sipping a strawberry lemonade